Why Did You Send Me?

Then Moses went back to the LORD and protested, “Why have you brought all this trouble on your own people, Lord? Why did you send me? Ever since I came to Pharaoh as your spokesman, he has been even more brutal to your people. And you have done nothing to rescue them!” [Exodus 5:22-23]

In Exodus 5, Moses and Aaron approached Pharaoh, asking that he give the Israelites a short reprieve from their work so that they might hold a festival to honor the Lord. Predictably, Pharaoh responded negatively. In fact, he punished the Israelites because of what Moses and Aaron had done, which angered the Israelites. So Moses, no doubt feeling confused and betrayed by the Lord, complained to him, asking “Why did you send me?” (v. 22).

What Moses and Aaron experienced as leaders is quite common, actually. Though the details may differ, leaders of change almost always confront negative reactions. I experienced this time and again in the church. I remember one time when, in order to improve the flow of a worship service, I moved the offering from its usual place. One man was furious with me. “You prohibited me from worshiping God through my offering,” he insisted. Even such a relatively small change was traumatic for him. I felt disheartened, even though I believed I had done the right thing.

Even when, like Moses, we’re doing God’s will in bringing about change, we shouldn’t be surprised when people become angry with us. We may very well echo Moses’ complaint to God: “Why did you send me?” In situations like this, turning to God in honest prayer restores our confidence. It reminds us that transformational leadership is never easy, and that we cannot do it alone. But if we seek to please God above all, and if we rely on his strength, then God will use and bless our efforts, even if they don’t turn out how we had hoped.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: Have you ever experienced a reaction to your leadership similar to what we read in Exodus 5? What did you do? What enables you to remain steadfast in the face of complaint and criticism?


PRAYER: Dear Lord, you know how discouraging it can be when our leadership begets negativity. Sometimes the very people we’re trying to help are the most critical of our efforts. This is hard, Lord. You know that, of course, because you’ve experienced this very sort of thing from your people for centuries.

Help us, Lord, when our leadership is poorly received. Give us the humility to examine what we’re doing, to make sure we’re pursuing the right course. Give us wisdom to make any changes that are warranted. And then, give us confidence in you, so that we might continue to be faithful as leaders, for your sake, no matter how people might be unhappy with us. Amen.

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Hey guys!

Mahn, if you guys didn't know, I've been here in Fiji for more than 2 years. Yes that's right. Wow, it's been 2 years! haha. And counting... lol.

Anyways, I want to write something about how I lived here in Fiji for 2 years now. Hmmm. I was supposed to write it on our "second year anniversary" here in Fiji last May 29th. But apparently, I was kinda busy with some school stuffs. We just finished this school term, by the way. What a relief! haha.

So before I write a novel for my 2 years of my Fiji life, I wanted to post this stuff first! YAY. Why Did You Send Me? Why did God send me here in Fiji? I'll write some stuffs on what I've learned here and how did it change me in some ways. Well, it's been a blessing in disguise. God sent us here for a reason. It's His will.

Ahhh.. The next blog post will be a long one. I hope... haha. I hope my laziness won't strike me so I can share some wonderful stuffs with y'all!

Toodles,

I Love and Miss Starbucks, Really

Well, I really have nothing to say now but just wanna write something about my craving for a Starbucks coffee. Geesh. I really miss the Signature Hot Chocolate, Java Chip, and its cakes and brownies:


You might be wondering why I haven't been to Starbucks for like.. *counts* for almost 2 years!!! Well, that's because, tragically, there's no Starbucks here in Fiji! *sob* lol. Yes yes yes, it super sucks, right? ;p

Anyways, I have the Starbucks Recipes Ebook. How I wish I can make one. lol. You can click the image and download it for yourself. :)

I LOVE STARBUCKS AND I EFFIN MISS IT!!! Sbux, we shall meet again when I get out of here. I hope there will be an Sbux outlet here though, so I can have it here in Fiji. lol

If you can't download the ebook. Click here.

Toodles,

Came To My Rescue

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek Your face
Lord all I am is is Yours

My whole life I place in Your hands
God of mercy Humbled I bow down
In your presence at Your throne

I called You answered
And You came to my rescue and I,
Wanna be where You are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high


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Well, this is one of my favorite songs when I need Him during the hard times. Oh well. I let it all out a while ago. All the unforgiveness and resentment towards my parents. And not to mention, the bitterness in Fiji. lol. Hopefully, they won't come back again. Coz I'm tired of them. It robs my joy.


The preaching really gave me and my sister the conviction we badly needed. After the altar call, we were like "that's it". And God gave us a bonus, our Pastor called us to his office. He told us some stuffs about his observation on us. He knows that we are going through something. It's about us and our parents. Sigh. The words that came out from his mouth helped us. Gee, we were full crying whenever he points out a thing. Pastors are really God's messenger. Diba, diba? hehe. Anyhow, it was all good to hear those stuffs. We're trying to change, really. But it's just kinda hard and all. So, hopefully, this is really is it. I need a fresh start. And everything starts with a change of heart.. Oh yes. lol.

That's all I can say for now, I'm still digesting everything. lol. Have a great Sunday y'all!

Till next time,

The Land of My Suffering

Okay, does it sound so mean? lol. Just read on. =p

I've been here in Fiji for more than a year now. But until now, I still feel like a stranger in a foreign land. I guess, nothing really beats home. I just so miss life in the Philippines, man. tsktsk.

So many times I've heard my friends telling me to just consider this place a 'wilderness' where God will help me to grow and be fruitful, just like the story of Joseph. That's right. I really did grow up. I'm now one year older. I was 18 years old when I got here and now I'm 19! LOL. Hahaha. Kidding aside, yes, I grew up in faith. I could say my faith and trust in Him is much stronger than ever before. I've experienced a lot, and I've learned a lot. Do I have to enumerate it? haha.

First, the family's relationship is way, way, way better than before. I know it's a bit mushy. HAHA. But well, there are really things that cannot be forgotten. Until now, when I think of them, it still hurts. I know I should let go and let God. But sometimes, I just can't. Who to blame? My childhood was just traumatic. lol. But yeah, although I'm so dying to go back to my home country, I still thank God for this chance to be with the family. I am nearing a marrying age, you know. LOL. Hahaha! Geez, I don't even have a boyfriend. lmao.

I know why my parents don't want us to go back. Not because of the Philippine's economy or whatever. It's because we are all getting older. We might not get another chance to be together. For the eighteen years of my life, we've never had this chance as a family. Ekk. HAHAHA. I mean, yeah, we had been together naman. But not like this. Like before, if we're together, it's not really REAL. Ahh, whatever. Basta! Haha!

Second, I fell in love with God even more! Hehe. I am faithful than ever before. Although I don't have much friends in church, it didn't make us backslide. lol. It's all about Him anyway. My sister and I are in the ministry. There's great joy in serving God. But it just suck lately coz sometimes we miss outreaches coz of school stuffs. tsktsk. But I know God understands. So yeah, if not for Fiji, I wouldn't be closer to Him. I just need to stay focused. Coz there are times that I think I'll be more effective serving Him if I would be in the Philippines. There are just so many ways to serve Him way back home. There's Jzone, there's Project S.C.H.O.O.L., etc... It's sometimes hard to deal with people where you can experience a culture clash. So there, I NEED to fully accept than I am in the RIGHT PLACE at the RIGHT TIME. Sometimes, when there are conflicts, I wanted to give up. I wanted to think I'm not supposed to be here. It sucks.

So yeah. I've patched things up with God when I got here. And I don't wanna slip away again. It's a real blessing!

Third, I love my friends here. I don't care if I can count to my fingers how many friends I have here. I don't need a lot of stones, I just need precious diamonds. Sweeeet. lol. haha. Well if you guys have been reading all my blogs, you probably know that I have really few friends here. tsktsk. HAHA. That's the one thing I hate. I really feel like a STRANGER in FOREIGN LAND. Some where really friendly when we were new. Now, I don't know. They're gone. lol. I know I'm not unfriendly, I have lots of friends in the Phils. lol. Oh well. God is burdening our hearts. I have to admit, I miss them. haha.

Anyways, yeah. I love my friends here. I will miss them big time! Specially the friend (Yes, FRIEND as in singular.. lol) who is always there. The friend whom we always hang out with. haha.

Lastly, I've grown up. Although am still childish at times. HAHA. I've learned a lot now. Poor me, I have to be a cast away first before realizing everything. What a pity it is that I have to experienced all these pains and sufferings before learning these things I've already encountered in the past. But hey, that's why they are called EXPERIENCES, right? The best teacher (aside from God) is EXPERIENCE. haha. I know there are still things that I need to let go. I'm fully aware of that. I still struggle in some things. I just need more time, I guess.

There you go. haha. This place is the land of my suffering, but this is also a LAND of BLESSINGS! It might be too early to quote this, but I think this is also a right time:

"God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."
-Genesis 41:52

Even if I still have almost 2 years to stay (unless we'd go home soon) and there will be more things to come along, I can say God has made me fruitful now. And I know He will make me more fruitful in the near future. I pray that He would always use me to His Greatness. Just keep on praying for me, guys! Hehe. Although I stand firm, I'm still prone to sin. lol.

We all have a purpose in life. And our main purpose here on Earth is to serve our Heavenly Dad. I hope you guys also know that. =]

Till next time,

Bitterness

I slept early the other night and woke up 4am yesterday. We have a class at 9am so I decided not to sleep anymore. I surfed the net instead. lol.

So yeah. At around 7am, I am waking my sister up. But she doesn't wanna get up. So I went out and I saw darkness. lol. HAHAHA. The weather is bad, man. So there, we got lazy to get our ass to school. Hehe. lol.

So there. As usual, I surfed the net the whole afternoon and then watched Bring It On 4. Michael Copon is so HOTT. He's part Filo. Ekk. HAHAHA.

At like 6pm, we have another class, Mathematics. We tried to go but when we were at the gate, it's like the wind is blowing us back. lol. I tried to call a friend up to ask if we're goin or not. Wala lang. Trip lang humingi ng advice. lol. hahaha. XD

I told April, my sister, that since we didn't go to school, we might as well attend our Homecare fellowship. It's a Bible Study but not in church. Home nga eh. LOL. We are studying Satan's tools against us, Christians.

April doesn't wanna attend. Well, am sleepy but I want to. lol. I get to talk to Jenni (cellphone), a friend, and she told me she's goin there. So okay. haha. We're meeting her at Wishbone then go to Homecare together.

Some talk about last Sunday... lol. Anyways...

Homecare.....

As we arrived, they were already singing praises. And then meet and greet. lol. Then the Bible Study. The next tool Satan uses against Christians is BITTERNESS. HAHAHAHA. I laughed as Brother Tim revealed it. Am I bitter? lol.

I'm bitter. Bitter to life maybe. Or even to God. Amf. I could have been in Philippines now and would be on my junior year in college this June. Grr! I could have been with my friends in Phils. I could have been HOME. But here I am in Fiji. Still frustrated and all. Haaays.

Mom shared about her bitterness towards dad's employer here. They promised lots of stuffs but it was all broken. We could have been in New Zealand now but then my parents thought that we should not leave yet coz we're on a 3 year contract and it's un-Christian to breach it. But now they have failed to what was first been said. I won't elaborate bout that anymore coz it's just too many. lmao.

Back to my bitterness, I really have a lot. lol. I'm bitter towards my parents too. They just don't wanna send us back to Phils. I'm bitter to some people here coz they are very friendly. (That's the opposite ok..lol) We sometimes feel bitter to life whenever we feel discouraged and all. Until now, we're still strangers in foreign land. Next week, it's gonna be our first year here, but still, seems like we still don't feel home. I guess, Philippines would only be my home. lol. WAHAHA. Kill me now, am so patriotic. lol. HAHA. But seriously, I wanna go home. I wanna get out of here. =|

But looking into the brighter said, everything is still a blessing. God gave us a wonderful church where we grow stronger spiritually. He gave us good friends, though some are seasonal. lol. He gave our family another chance. And that is our greatest struggle. HAHAHA. We're not just used to seeing our parents everyday. lol. It's a long story. HAHA. =p

Everything really happens for a reason. We should be in our classes but God brought us to Homecare. And for that, I heard the study about bitterness. I hope and I pray that I could really let go of this crap very soon so that I would be free from the bondage of bitterness. HAHAHA. May God deliver me. Hehe. Man, somebody should stone me!!! HAHAHAHA.

Let go and let God. =]

Rant Night

Hahaha. lol. XD

Last night, I really felt bad with a couple of things. I really have a lot of stuffs in my head. And it's depressing. I was really in a hell mode after the concert in church that I mis send an SMS to a friend here that's supposed to be for a friend in the Philippines. But it's ok. haha.

So yeah, I rant to her too. lmao.

I fell asleep after that. Like 11pm, which is TOO EARLY for me. HAHA!

It's too long to blog about and as of now, am not in a very nice mood to type. lol.

Anyways, am feeling better now! hihi.

Thanks, Jenni! haha.

By the way, I sometimes blog in Multiply. Too lazy to copy-paste. I have a story there! lol. haha. Anyways, my laptop was crushed again. When it gets fixed, I'll try to blog everyday. I mean at least twice a week. Wahehe!

Have a nice day everyone! :)

The Burning West

We went to Nadi, aka the burning west, last Friday night.That is like in the west side of Fiji and it was really hot.. That's the place where we got off the plane. lol. The International Airport was there. HAHA. I could have just ride the plane there and went home. But the prob is, I don't have a ticket. LOL. XD

So there. The church congregation left Suva, Fiji's capital and where our church is, at like 9am of Friday. We're gonna have an exam at 4-5pm of that day so we'll just go at nigh with the other USP students of the church. It just suck coz most of our real close friends are not there. They went off earlier that day so we felt left out.. Grr! I'm with my sis, just so you know. :p

I finished that damn exam in 15 minutes! Like seriously.. lol. It was just Computer man. But it just pissed me off because we have to stay for that exam. And because of that, it spoiled the Nadi Rally experience! The Nadi Rally is when the Suva church gathers up with the church in Nadi, the Potter's House Church. The Suva Church is the Mother Church here in Fiji. It a worldwide fellowship. Anyways... We missed the first service on Friday night and the free time in the aftie. We could have went around the city sana! lol. HAHA. Coz that's like the tourist spot here. lmao.

The road trip was like crazy and fun. HAHA. We were singing Christian songs. It was cool. I recorded some. lmao. :p

When we got there, we went to our room. Our mom is already there. Then we slept as soon as possible. We were tired. tsk.


In the morning, we had a service. 3 preachings. lol. Had some snacks. And after the last one, we went off the streets and did an outreach. You guys know what an outreach is, ey? That's when you preach the Gospel. Witness to people about Jesus.

I totally suck in outreaches. I still don't have the face to talk to random people and share. Maybe simply because I am a 'stranger' in a foreign land. Man, I can't just talk to them like that. Just because I'm a foreigner, do you think they would talk to me? lol.. Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, I just think that maybe I can do it---in Phils. Coz that is my home. I can talk to fellow Filipinos. Argh. This sucks. I can't take the rejection. amf. Hehe. It is tough, but that is a part of the Christian life. Dang. When will I ever learn to conquer it? God help me. =|

I didn't take a lot of photos. I know, it sucks. lol. Sorry! haha. I was really not in the mood. Everything was not that fine. lmao.

But the messages in the services was like God is talking to me. I realized a lot of stuffs! Oh man. It's very long to write. Maybe the next time I get the chance. Haha. ;p

We spent our free time at our Filipino friend's house while the others are like swimming in the hotel. HAHA. We watched a Fil series. It was fun. XD

The evening service started at 5pm. After that, we left na. The bus ride was damn tiring. The youths never went to sleep. There were some, of course. And I was one of those who slept. lol. They just sang all the time. HAHA. Got back in Centerpoint, Suva at like 10:30pm.

I missed the church today. Was supposed to wake up at 8am for the 9:30am Sunday School. But we overslept. Mom woke us up at 10:30!!! Like, hello! 10:30 is the service. And I'm gonna sing in the back-up!!! I was so pissed and it made me depressed. I missed it!!! I missed the time to go up there and sing for Him!!! Grrr.. ='(

When I went to the shower to take a bath, I was literally crying. For everything. I guess, I'm now lacking time for Him. I often miss my Bible reading and prayer. For some non-sense things like surfing this damn internet. lol. I know I'm wrong. Now, I'm suffering the consequences. I'm being punished, the hard way. lol. I thought of a lot of things happened, happening, and would happen in my life when I was in the shower. lmao. Gosh. That is another long story! HAHA.

Bottom line is... I wanna be a more effective Christian and I wanna be more responsible too. Hello, I'm 19! And I'm so irresponsible and lazy. I'm gonna have my MidSem Test next week in Accounting and Microeconomics. And I haven't studied yet. We aint attending the lectures and we often miss the tutorials. Just because, we're DFL students, we're getting more lazy. tsktsk.

Well I guess, one of the factor that makes me lazy and irresponsible is the fact that I no longer wanna be here. I so wanna go home. I feel and think that I'll do better in UST (my school), and in Jzone (our Youth Ministry). Haaaaaaayz..........

I need some big help. I should know my priorities and responsibilities. PRAY FOR ME.

So that's a short story about my weekend. lol.

Three Hundred Days

Well yah. It's been 300 days since I left the Philippines. I left like 29th of May 2007. Haaaaays.

Homesick level: 101% (lol)

Like seriously, I feel so homesick today. Haha. Slack. lol.

I don't know what to say.

I miss my friends so much.

I miss my Manila life. lol

Waaaahhhhh.....

One thing that sucks is that only few, really few people are keeping in touch with me!!!

That makes me more depressed. lol.

Well, maybe they are busy. No time for me. haha. Or have other friends that have replaced me. lmao

Well anyways, that's it.

This sucks.

But I still have God so I really don't feel alone. Of course, plus my family, specially my sis, my friends here, and some few friends in Philly who keep in touch.

I love you guys!

Why leave the Philippines?

From the 6th to the 12th of March, there were like three Filipino Kuyas (We called them Kuya) who stayed here in our house for a while. They were part of the 37 Filipino fishermen in three fishing vessels stopped over here in Fiji.

These Filipinos were in the ship for like a year or so. They weren’t being paid since then. They were supposed to get paid after the 3 years of service. I don’t know much of the details. My mom with other Filipinos here helped them by talking to the Seafarer’s Association, Immigration, etc… March 2nd when our whole church prayed for these guys. That they would be paid accordingly and get freedom from the job. Praise God, He immediately answered our prayers. They were paid, although they got lots of deductions. And their airfares to Philippines (which would cost them around USD900) and lodging were paid off by their selfish employer. Maybe he got afraid by the Immigration. Karma. Lol.

The Kuya 3R’s (Their names start with letter R) stayed in our house because they were the ones assigned to cook for everyone. They can’t cook in the hotel. And they wouldn’t spend their money for the food. It’s a bit expensive for them. I just felt sorry for the Kuyas coz we don’t have an extra room here so they slept in the lounge.

So yah. For a few days, we had new kuyas. Lol. Sometimes, we just talked about things. One of them was a Graduate of Marine Engineering but he landed on a fishing job. And there are some others pa. Tough life in Phils, I guess. Some graduates just land in a job they weren’t supposed to be in. They deserve something better. But just to get the heck out of the Philippines to look for the so-called greener pastures, they grab every opportunity that comes along. I heard they were recruited by just a person, not an agency. They don’t have a contract. But yah again, maybe they really wanna go abroad to earn a living for their families. They don’t mind even if their lives would be at risk. Like in their case, I heard two persons died in the ship, one is Chinese. And another one, almost stabbed to death. They were harassed. They pay for their white goods like shampoos and stuffs, their employer sells them. Heck diba? It should be the employer’s responsibility na. They can’t eat fishes they caught, even the rejected ones. I think they mostly eat noodles and biscuits. They bathe in salt water. Well… It’s just cool that when they got here, fellow Filipinos are willing to lend a hand until they get what they deserve.

Anyways, while they were here at home, it was fun. I mean, not like just us alone. Dad and Kuya got work, Mom always go to Immigration and Seafarer’s Assoc for their case. Imagine, they were the ones to cook for me and April (my sis) too. Lol. And it’s fun to have company, of course. They were just so kulet and fun to be with. Every night, we watched a movie. Haha. We go to the grocery. They bought us chocolates. Lol. As in parang kuya talaga. Man, I miss them now. Well, I’m happy for them coz they are now with their families, after a year.

Lately, I’ve been hearing some preaching about this search for greener pastures thing. Why leave your country and go overseas? Money? Could be. People want the best for their family. I know that poverty prevails in the Philippines. People leave the country to work odd jobs in a foreign land. My intelligent classmates and more other people get a nursing course for a hope to get a job abroad. Graduates getting odd jobs. People have a hard time finding a job they could fit in. Unemployment rate gets high. Professionals (like doctors, engineers, etc) leaving Phils for higher salaries. Stuffs like that. I remembered writing an editorial on Brain Drain on our schoolpaper in High School. It’s probably one of the nation’s crises.

Well.. In our case, we really didn’t leave the country for money. Maybe like 10%. Dang. Why would I (we) leave Phils for a no-namer country named Fiji? Dad was one of the highest paid employees of OTIS Philippines. His job here is just a few thousand pesos higher. Well, for those who haven’t read my previous blog, it’s for our family to spend time together. Coz you know, we seldom see each other at home. My parents are busy. Oh well. It’s a long story. Haha. So yah, not really for money. Actually, we’re leaving a tougher life here. Haha. The culture and stuffs. We earn dollars, but we spend dollars too. And the goods here are mostly imported. It’s expensive. A McFlurry is $3.95, around P105. We’re in the most prestigious university in the South Pacific. We spend around $3000 per sem times 2. So I think, we don’t have savings yet. Aside from dad’s provident fund (like SSS). Lol. But well, God is still sustaining us naman. Dang. I wanted to find a job like other teenagers. But I can't work coz I'm a stranger in a foreign land. haha. And well, as if I can. lol.

So, why leave the Philippines?

Family. Friends. Your life, our lives in the Philippines. God made us Filipinos, and Filipinos are for the Philippines. Yay, ang chaka diba. Lol.

I heard from one of Kuya 3R’s saying “Uuwi na nga ng Pilipinas, malungkot pa ren.” His wife is in Dubai, he has a daughter though. And another one said “Siguro nga mas ok na kasama mo pamilya mo sa hirap at ginhawa kesa malayo ka at hindi mo sila kapiling…” (And deep diba)

Which made me think…

God gave dad a job overseas wherein he can bring the whole family. We’re blessed, man. Unlike OFWs who leave their families behind. Parents working hard to send money to their kids. Wherein these kids get vices, entertaining themselves with worldly things (i.e. alcohol, drugs, etc) that their parents doesn’t know about. Kids that don’t think about how their parents are doing overseas, they just care for the money. Parents going overseas for a brighter future for their family. Is money really important over family? They miss the growing up stage of their kids. They both long for each other’s affection. Which sometimes leads to destruction. I thought that only happens in tv series and movies, but that’s really a reality. Lmao. Though my parents are not overseas, they are really busy several years back. My dad is often out of the country for seminars or out of town for projects, my mom is busy in the business. We rarely spend time together, just those holidays. It even came to a point where we almost had our family broken twice. Haaays. Sobrang thank God for the blessing.

Now I’m asking myself, with those things in mind, do I still wanna go back like now, or I’ll just wait til 2010 and go home with the whole family? Lol. We’re blessed that our family was granted temporary residency status, we’re all here. God really gave us this chance. I just can’t get it why does it need to be overseas pa. Puede naman in Phils diba. Lol. Well, God has a plan for everything. I know that.

Being here overseas for a temporary residency, this is not just a vacation. Those are different things. Lol. I think, I don’t wanna go somewhere else after this. I’ll stay in the Philippines. Sounds patriotic huh. Lmao. That is if, our rents would allow us not to come with them for migration. And if our government’s economy will change for the better. Hehe. Lol.

Well, for those planning to go overseas, think about those points. We really don’t have to go overseas to search for that greener pastures. Yes, you earn dollars, but you also spend dollars man. Got a car and a house? Must be from a loan. Credit cards and loans are neccessities everywhere, specially in foreign countries like America and UK. Those could lead to bankruptcy. When going abroad, think about your family and friends. Think about the life you would leave and the life you would live in another country. Open your eyes for options. You can just work hard or something. Let’s help each other for the sake of our country. Pray to God about your decision. Is it His Will? Money could be important but it’s not all that matters. I’ve experienced having money, but our family was like apart. Money is just a piece of a damn paper that people put value on.

It’s not wrong to find a better life, just make sure you always put God first. The best things in life are free. And the best life we could have is if we have Jesus in our hearts! =)

I wrote this blog for one reason... HOMESICK. XD