Favor With People

Wow, haven't been updating this blog for ages. Sorry guys! hehe. Anyhow, we just finished the South Pacific Conference in our fellowship. It was awesome. I could write a novel. lol.

This was the sermon on August 21st, Friday and was first written on my Facebook as a note. Just thought I'd share it here on my Blogspot. hehe. :p

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Ok, I'm just aimless now. lol. I'm writing this because of Pastor Walsh's sermon entitled 'Favor with People'.

He tells about a man he carefully observed. A man who prays and reads the Bible. He does the things of God. He is basically a man of God. But when he goes home, he is friendless. He don't have the favor with people.

I guess I'm like that. No, it's not a guess. It's a fact. Here in Fiji, at least. I go to church 3 times a week. I'm always present in church activities. Haven't been in outreaches lately though. I love the church. It's been our 'family' here in Fiji.

But reality strikes... I have few friends. Friends that I could say I'm really *close* with. Like close, close. Thank God I have a sister I'm always with. If not for her, I could say I'm always ALL BY MYSELF. lol.

Ahhh. It's frustrating! haha.

I'm shy and quiet. I know.. That's the first impression my friends say. But there's a reason for that... I had no childhood friends aside from my siblings and classmates in school. I mean, you know. In the Phil, at least, you have some playmates and friends in the neighborhood. I got none. I play with my sibs, and sometimes, with our yaya's or nannies. But I don't treat them like that. They are like a family. They took care of us when our parents were not there for us. **hint hint** Guess, you now get it why I'm shy and quiet... Yes, it has something to do with the past. I'll tell it all next time. It's another novel. I mean, story... lol

I hate rejection. I guess, not being able to be close with my rents when I was young somewhat made me feel rejected.

Going back to the story, I'm like that man. I believe I do the things of God yet I don't find the favor with people. lol. Haha. Okay, enough for the emo-ness... I'm not saying I dont have friends. I have few *close* friends that I would really miss when I leave Fiji. I guess, the others cant catch up with me. I'm the person that doesn't talk much when I'm not that close to someone. But I must tell you, I'm easy to get along with. I suck at starting a conversation. It's hard for me to make new friends. Coz in the Phil, they make friends with me. lol. So I thank those friends who took the initiative. lmao. haha.

To my future friends, I'm not that hard to be friends with. I guess, one of the reasons people don't want to be that close to me is because they think the only way to get connected with me is Starbucks, and other some-what expensive places I go to hang out. I thought of that reason because someone has told me once that 'I have expensive taste'... I'm not choosy with those kinds of stuffs. I can eat street foods too, for crying out loud! haha. XD I might be a big spender at times but I also know how to save money.

Ok, whatever.. I just wanna let my future friends know that I wanna be friends with them. It's easy but it's hard. lol. It's easy to be friends with me but it's hard to keep up with me. I'm introvert. Someone must *trigger* that friendliness in me. lol

Favor with People. Why is it so hard to get? Sigh......

3 reasons Pastor Walsh pointed out:

1. Busy-ness --- I'm too busy with nothing. lol. I mean, they are busy with something. Probably, with their own circle of friends.
2. Selfishness --- Okay, I'm not selfish. But maybe somehow. Ahh yeahh... When I have a friend, I want all of their attention,,,in some ways.. lol :p
3. Laziness --- I'm too lazy to make friends... specially if I know that it wont last that long. What do I mean by this? As I've said, I'm easy to be friends with but it's hard to keep up with me. If I think that you're not the type of person who is like my best friend who is talkative (thank goodness she's not on Facebook), I mean hyper friendly not talkative, I'm lazy to make the effort. I know it's demonic. I should get rid of that motto and start to reach out and make friends. Ahh. I hate rejection. lol.

Ok... I dunno why I shared this out. Less than 4 months to stay in Fiji. I guess, I'm still hoping to make some more friends before I leave. I mean, *close* friends. Or maybe not. At least, the fewer close friends I have, the fewer people I would miss when I go home. *emo* lol lol lol.


Toodles,

Facing Depression Head On

Always feeling under the weather? Always not in the mood to be around others and have a good time? If you’re suffering from prolonged sadness for quite some time now, you should face these bouts of depression and get yourself diagnosed by a psychiatrist, they’re doctors who can actually help you out with your problem.

Depression or prolonged sadness is actually quite common in the United States, around 9.5 percent of the American population actually suffer from this illness, however, not all of them get to be treated, thus, depression and its ill-effects continue to be a burden to some individuals. This illness may seem quite simple to treat but in reality, it takes more than a little cheering up to actually cure depression. Constant visits to a cognitive behavior therapist is a must as well as taking all the prescribed medicines that the doctor will ask the patient to take – none of these exactly come cheap, but the amount of suffering that a person is going through because of depression is enough reason already for others to start taking notice and face depression head on.



Depression oftentimes can easily get in the way of an individual’s daily activities and his or her’s normal functions, one’s zest for life can quickly and easily dissipate due to depression. And in place of an individual’s sunny disposition is more or less a person who hates his or herself, having no self-confidence, trying to isolate one’s self from the world and basically just not caring about living any more. More so, a person suffering from depression isn’t the only one who’s going to suffer from this destructive illness, his or her loved ones are sure to follow suit. By seeing the individual grow through such rough patches, basically not caring about anything or anyone anymore, it’s highly likely that not only will depression one’s relationship with one’s self but with his or her loved ones too.

Fortunately depression can now be cured, especially when diagnosed early, depressed individuals can actually be treated through therapy and medication, although it may be a bit costly, a person’s good mental health is something that shouldn’t be scrimped on. Cognitive behavioral talk or interpersonal talk are just some of the available psychosocial treatments that cognitive behavior therapists can offer to their patients, both actually prove to be able to produce fruitful and positive results.

Still, people tend to not recognize depression even it’s right before their eyes, being honest with one’s self is key to being able to cure such an illness. Never overlook the various symptoms, depressed individuals oftentimes exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors such as suddenly lacking interest in one’s hobbies (or other stuff that he or she usually enjoys), sleeps too much or actually aren’t able to get some shut-eye, suddenly becoming anti-social, talks a lot about death or being a worthless person. There are actually a lot more other symptoms but in case these already fit in your category or of someone that you know of, go to a reputable psychiatrist at once in order to see if the depression is still at an early stage or not. From here you’ll be able to assess how the treatments will actually go.

Depression shouldn’t be something that people fear of, instead, people should just start taking charge of their lives and actually face this illness and fight it. Life is too beautiful a gift to waste and if one will spend the majority of his or her life just moping around about every single little thing then what kind of life would that be? Depression may not kill one’s body but it’ll certainly kills one’s spirit if you’ll let it. Don’t be a victim.

Sleep: A Necessity, Not a Luxury

I always surf the net. In fact, almost every time as long as I am awake. I even surf the net more than I study. Am I studying anyway? lol. Oh well. Maybe this is the Internet lifestyle. Internet freak! lol. XD

Mom gave me an article about Sleep: A Necessity, Not a Luxury. Yes, she printed it out. haha. She told me to read it very well. Then give it to April. lol.

Here's the news from Yahoo: http://ucash.in/2a7e598

The longer-term effects of sleep deprivation involve a person's health. Doctors have linked lack of sleep to weight gain, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, depression and substance abuse.

Okay, I get it. HAHAHA. Do I need to say more?

On the other hand, there are people who are suffering from sleep disorders. These disorders include:

• Insomnia, an inability to go to sleep or stay asleep.
• Sleep apnea, or breathing interruptions during sleep that cause people to wake up repeatedly.
• Restless legs syndrome, a tingling or prickly sensation in the legs that causes a person to need to move them, interrupting sleep.

I am insomiac. I just can't go to sleep that fast. So instead of forcing myself to sleep, I just surf the net. lol. HAHAHA. OMG. I experience that Sleep Apnea thing. So, that's why! tsktsk. =|

Mom is right. I need MORE sleep!

I hope to get normal sleep very soon. Well actually, I do get around 8 hours of sleep a day naman. Just not at night. HAHA. I like sleeping in the morning till afternoon than at night. XD

I catch my friends online. Hehe. Coz Fiji is like 4 hours ahead of Phils! So yeah. And it's more quiet at night. I can study. As if. lol. And since most people are sleeping, the broadband connection is damn FAST! Hahahaha! XD

Well, I hope you guys get enough sleep though!

Till next time,

Bitterness

I slept early the other night and woke up 4am yesterday. We have a class at 9am so I decided not to sleep anymore. I surfed the net instead. lol.

So yeah. At around 7am, I am waking my sister up. But she doesn't wanna get up. So I went out and I saw darkness. lol. HAHAHA. The weather is bad, man. So there, we got lazy to get our ass to school. Hehe. lol.

So there. As usual, I surfed the net the whole afternoon and then watched Bring It On 4. Michael Copon is so HOTT. He's part Filo. Ekk. HAHAHA.

At like 6pm, we have another class, Mathematics. We tried to go but when we were at the gate, it's like the wind is blowing us back. lol. I tried to call a friend up to ask if we're goin or not. Wala lang. Trip lang humingi ng advice. lol. hahaha. XD

I told April, my sister, that since we didn't go to school, we might as well attend our Homecare fellowship. It's a Bible Study but not in church. Home nga eh. LOL. We are studying Satan's tools against us, Christians.

April doesn't wanna attend. Well, am sleepy but I want to. lol. I get to talk to Jenni (cellphone), a friend, and she told me she's goin there. So okay. haha. We're meeting her at Wishbone then go to Homecare together.

Some talk about last Sunday... lol. Anyways...

Homecare.....

As we arrived, they were already singing praises. And then meet and greet. lol. Then the Bible Study. The next tool Satan uses against Christians is BITTERNESS. HAHAHAHA. I laughed as Brother Tim revealed it. Am I bitter? lol.

I'm bitter. Bitter to life maybe. Or even to God. Amf. I could have been in Philippines now and would be on my junior year in college this June. Grr! I could have been with my friends in Phils. I could have been HOME. But here I am in Fiji. Still frustrated and all. Haaays.

Mom shared about her bitterness towards dad's employer here. They promised lots of stuffs but it was all broken. We could have been in New Zealand now but then my parents thought that we should not leave yet coz we're on a 3 year contract and it's un-Christian to breach it. But now they have failed to what was first been said. I won't elaborate bout that anymore coz it's just too many. lmao.

Back to my bitterness, I really have a lot. lol. I'm bitter towards my parents too. They just don't wanna send us back to Phils. I'm bitter to some people here coz they are very friendly. (That's the opposite ok..lol) We sometimes feel bitter to life whenever we feel discouraged and all. Until now, we're still strangers in foreign land. Next week, it's gonna be our first year here, but still, seems like we still don't feel home. I guess, Philippines would only be my home. lol. WAHAHA. Kill me now, am so patriotic. lol. HAHA. But seriously, I wanna go home. I wanna get out of here. =|

But looking into the brighter said, everything is still a blessing. God gave us a wonderful church where we grow stronger spiritually. He gave us good friends, though some are seasonal. lol. He gave our family another chance. And that is our greatest struggle. HAHAHA. We're not just used to seeing our parents everyday. lol. It's a long story. HAHA. =p

Everything really happens for a reason. We should be in our classes but God brought us to Homecare. And for that, I heard the study about bitterness. I hope and I pray that I could really let go of this crap very soon so that I would be free from the bondage of bitterness. HAHAHA. May God deliver me. Hehe. Man, somebody should stone me!!! HAHAHAHA.

Let go and let God. =]

Rant Night

Hahaha. lol. XD

Last night, I really felt bad with a couple of things. I really have a lot of stuffs in my head. And it's depressing. I was really in a hell mode after the concert in church that I mis send an SMS to a friend here that's supposed to be for a friend in the Philippines. But it's ok. haha.

So yeah, I rant to her too. lmao.

I fell asleep after that. Like 11pm, which is TOO EARLY for me. HAHA!

It's too long to blog about and as of now, am not in a very nice mood to type. lol.

Anyways, am feeling better now! hihi.

Thanks, Jenni! haha.

By the way, I sometimes blog in Multiply. Too lazy to copy-paste. I have a story there! lol. haha. Anyways, my laptop was crushed again. When it gets fixed, I'll try to blog everyday. I mean at least twice a week. Wahehe!

Have a nice day everyone! :)

Conviction

I slept at like 6am yesterday, Thursaday. I was finishing another Squidoo lens that time and been just mocking around the net. Haha. Well, if you're gonna ask me what I do online, I just check my mails and get updates with some IM (Internet Marketing) stuffs. Well ok, I also chat. haha. Oh dear. :p

So yeah, slept like 6am then woke up around 11, had lunch, and then slept again for like 2 hours, I think. And then off to meet our friend Jenni and Rusila. But well, Rusila didn't come with us for dinner because she's gonna practice drums. Yes, she's the church's drummer. haha.

We ate a Hawaiin Pizza at Pizza King. And just had a girly talk. Not really a girly talk. It's a secret. lol. HAHAHA. No, it's not chismis! :p Anyways...

Moving on...

It's Thursday and we have a Mid-Week Service in church. So yeah...

Fast forward... (haha)

The text of the preaching was I Thessalonians 4:9-12.

"But concerning brotherly love you have no need that I should write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; and indeed you do so toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, that you increase more and more; that you also aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you, that you may walk properly toward those who are outside, and that you may lack nothing." (NKJV)

It talks about the Brotherly Love. Say what? Haha. Or could be Sister Love too. Hehe.

Check this out:
http://www.bible.ca/ef/expository-1-thessalonians-4-9-12.htm

^ That's like almost the same with the preaching... :)

3. work with your own hands...

The tendency towards laziness has far reaching negative consequences, while the diligent worker makes their own way and builds their self-esteem from the accomplishment.

A person should work to have food. Obviously... Hehe. And then the Pastor said, if you are still studying, STUDY IS WORK. Hahaha! That's the punchline. LOL.

Alright, I know studying now is like my LAST priority. Well, I'm sure some of you guys know why. haha. I'm just soooo TAMAD to study anymore. (But well, if I'm in the Phils, I would not feel this way. lol) But yeah. Haha!

Conviction.. Eeek!

My sister and I are planning not to study anymore next semester and would just wait for our parents to send us back home. Well, don't ask me why I like to study in Phils more than here. I got a long list. LOL. Jokes. hahaha.

As of this time, I'm cramming my Microeconomics due this afternoon. Say what? It's like 3am now and I don't think I'm already like halfway. HAHAHA. I know, I'm lazy. I DON'T WANNA STUDY ANYMORE. Waaaah!

The other night, I had a convo with my bhez Sarrah (I uber miss her), and I've been telling her that I don't feel like studying anymore, that I might FAIL 3 of the 4 effin courses I'm taking up now. Tsktsk. Here's a part of our convo:

sarrah (5/8/2008 12:18:52 AM): bruha ka tlga..
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:18:56 AM): nag aaksaya ka..
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:19:01 AM): tamad oh
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:21:13 AM): edi wla ka ng acctg?.
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:15 AM): haha.
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:20 AM): meron pa
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:22 AM): omg
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:25 AM): i wanna pass it
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:33 AM): kaso parang malabo na!
myself (5/8/2008 12:21:34 AM): WAHAHA
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:22:23 AM): y?
myself (5/8/2008 12:22:39 AM): first assignment, im like 1% of 10%
myself (5/8/2008 12:22:44 AM): bastaaaa
myself (5/8/2008 12:22:55 AM): and then for sure bagsak yung midsem test ko
myself (5/8/2008 12:22:56 AM): haha
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:25:16 AM): grabeh..ayaw mo pa tlga mag aral..haha
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:25:31 AM): anu ka ba mag aral ka nga ng maayos..
myself (5/8/2008 12:25:49 AM): yes mommy
myself (5/8/2008 12:25:51 AM): WAHAHAHA
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:26:50 AM): mommy ka jan..
myself (5/8/2008 12:27:04 AM): help me..
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:27:11 AM): anu kaba..kung maririning mu lang mga klazm8 ko..wla silang tuition pero masipag sila magaral
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:27:19 AM): how wil i help u..
sarrah (5/8/2008 12:27:24 AM): ill pray 4 u..

I suck. Like big time. =( I heard from the news in Phils that the tuition and fees would increase again. Parents work hard to send their kids to college. This kids study hard even if they have no much money to pay for it. And here I am, wasting every dollar my dad works for. Amff! Bad gurl. Waaah! That's why I don't wanna study anymore. lol. I'll just study again when I get back to Phils. I like it here but I don't wanna study here anymore. Reasons? One, I don't like the lecture and tutorial kind of classes. I like that regular classes in UST, in schools in Phils, where I would be with my blockmates/ classmates. I can't think of a friend from university here. Yeah, seriously. That no friend in school makes me really wanna quit school. I'm a mixture of Introvert and Extrovert eh. LOL. Hahaha. Second, it's more convenient. Third, I have more friends there, specially in school. Haaaays...

But well, I'm not yet ready to go home after this semester. I still wanna stay and prolly bum around. lol. Hahaha! Waaah. I'll miss my friends here. I'm just imagining I have heaps of friends. lol. Just kidd. haha. Nahh, I do have friends here. I would seriously miss them specially those whom we are always with. =|

Just wanted to blog about this coz it really convicted me. My friend Jenni turned to me that time and said "Conviction". HAHAHA! I'm like "I know". lol. Oh dear...

I checked out my Gradebook online and here are my grades so far:

ECF02 - Microeconomics

Assignment 1 (10%) : 4.6
Assignment 2 (10%) : Not yet available (That's what I'm cramming now)
MidSem Test (20%) : 7.5
Finals (60%) : That means I seriously NEED to get a whopping 48% to PASS. Damn, I can't imagine what grade would I have for this Assignment 2. I'm like blogging here. HAHA.

ISF21 - Computer (I'm sure to pass this one. lol)

Assignment 1 (10%) : 9.8
Assignment 2 (10%) : *due next week (haven't started yet)
Revision Test 1 (15%) : 11.9
Revision Test 2 (15%) : *23rd of May
Finals (50%) : (Being a humble person here, hope to pass this..lol)

MAF11 - Foundation Math (I so hate this)

Assignment 1 (6.7%) : 4.2
Assignment 2 (6.7%) : 4.7
Assignment 3 (6.7%) : *due next week
MidSem Test (20%) : 7.2 (darn it.. I'll attend Sat Math Classes to make up.. Argh)
Finals (60%) : (Oh how i damn wish to pass. lol)

The grades in Accounting hasn't come out yet. But honestly, I'll fail it.

Damn. Damn. Damn.

I hate myself for this. lol. I never failed in school. I had gotten low grades but i never failed. And this time, there's no escape. Waaaah! Woaaah! Whoooa! LOL. Haaaays.

Gimme some words of encouragement. Pray for me too. haha. I promise to do my best to pass them but, errr, I don't think so. I NEED A MIRACLE! Wahaha. Oh well.

So much conviction of the day. XD

Time check: 4:00am *aaaack!*

The Burning West

We went to Nadi, aka the burning west, last Friday night.That is like in the west side of Fiji and it was really hot.. That's the place where we got off the plane. lol. The International Airport was there. HAHA. I could have just ride the plane there and went home. But the prob is, I don't have a ticket. LOL. XD

So there. The church congregation left Suva, Fiji's capital and where our church is, at like 9am of Friday. We're gonna have an exam at 4-5pm of that day so we'll just go at nigh with the other USP students of the church. It just suck coz most of our real close friends are not there. They went off earlier that day so we felt left out.. Grr! I'm with my sis, just so you know. :p

I finished that damn exam in 15 minutes! Like seriously.. lol. It was just Computer man. But it just pissed me off because we have to stay for that exam. And because of that, it spoiled the Nadi Rally experience! The Nadi Rally is when the Suva church gathers up with the church in Nadi, the Potter's House Church. The Suva Church is the Mother Church here in Fiji. It a worldwide fellowship. Anyways... We missed the first service on Friday night and the free time in the aftie. We could have went around the city sana! lol. HAHA. Coz that's like the tourist spot here. lmao.

The road trip was like crazy and fun. HAHA. We were singing Christian songs. It was cool. I recorded some. lmao. :p

When we got there, we went to our room. Our mom is already there. Then we slept as soon as possible. We were tired. tsk.


In the morning, we had a service. 3 preachings. lol. Had some snacks. And after the last one, we went off the streets and did an outreach. You guys know what an outreach is, ey? That's when you preach the Gospel. Witness to people about Jesus.

I totally suck in outreaches. I still don't have the face to talk to random people and share. Maybe simply because I am a 'stranger' in a foreign land. Man, I can't just talk to them like that. Just because I'm a foreigner, do you think they would talk to me? lol.. Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, I just think that maybe I can do it---in Phils. Coz that is my home. I can talk to fellow Filipinos. Argh. This sucks. I can't take the rejection. amf. Hehe. It is tough, but that is a part of the Christian life. Dang. When will I ever learn to conquer it? God help me. =|

I didn't take a lot of photos. I know, it sucks. lol. Sorry! haha. I was really not in the mood. Everything was not that fine. lmao.

But the messages in the services was like God is talking to me. I realized a lot of stuffs! Oh man. It's very long to write. Maybe the next time I get the chance. Haha. ;p

We spent our free time at our Filipino friend's house while the others are like swimming in the hotel. HAHA. We watched a Fil series. It was fun. XD

The evening service started at 5pm. After that, we left na. The bus ride was damn tiring. The youths never went to sleep. There were some, of course. And I was one of those who slept. lol. They just sang all the time. HAHA. Got back in Centerpoint, Suva at like 10:30pm.

I missed the church today. Was supposed to wake up at 8am for the 9:30am Sunday School. But we overslept. Mom woke us up at 10:30!!! Like, hello! 10:30 is the service. And I'm gonna sing in the back-up!!! I was so pissed and it made me depressed. I missed it!!! I missed the time to go up there and sing for Him!!! Grrr.. ='(

When I went to the shower to take a bath, I was literally crying. For everything. I guess, I'm now lacking time for Him. I often miss my Bible reading and prayer. For some non-sense things like surfing this damn internet. lol. I know I'm wrong. Now, I'm suffering the consequences. I'm being punished, the hard way. lol. I thought of a lot of things happened, happening, and would happen in my life when I was in the shower. lmao. Gosh. That is another long story! HAHA.

Bottom line is... I wanna be a more effective Christian and I wanna be more responsible too. Hello, I'm 19! And I'm so irresponsible and lazy. I'm gonna have my MidSem Test next week in Accounting and Microeconomics. And I haven't studied yet. We aint attending the lectures and we often miss the tutorials. Just because, we're DFL students, we're getting more lazy. tsktsk.

Well I guess, one of the factor that makes me lazy and irresponsible is the fact that I no longer wanna be here. I so wanna go home. I feel and think that I'll do better in UST (my school), and in Jzone (our Youth Ministry). Haaaaaaayz..........

I need some big help. I should know my priorities and responsibilities. PRAY FOR ME.

So that's a short story about my weekend. lol.