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Sunday, November 9, 2008

Words Unspoken

It's now 6am. And no, no, I wasn't been up all this time! haha. I just woke up at around 5:30am. I slept around 11pm last night, believe it or not. =p

Well, it was a long daaaay yesterday! Mom left for Nadi at around 4am. Then I didn't sleep. Really. Sucks. No, not because mom left! haha. I was waiting for a call from Canada, from Internet Marketing Center. They have the most complete Internet Marketing Course. And they contacted me via email for a phone interview because I applied for their eBusiness Development program. Well, I will talk more about that on Internet Marketing Blog soon. So yeah, I stayed all the way up to wait for that call because I so wanna learn more on internet marketing, hehe.

Anyways... So, I was up the whole time. He called but the line got cut! =( I hope he would call again next week... Oh well..

Me and my sister had a fight yesterday at like 12 noon. We had some misunderstanding about what to do yesterday. I was thinking to invite some friends along to watch a movie but she doesn't want to because the house was a mess. (You know, it's just us two in the house. HAHA. What do you expect from spoiled brats alone at home. lol) She was so angry about the fact that I was inviting friends when I know that the house was sooooo messy and all. So, frustrated and stuff, I left her alone in the house to go to town and meet some friends. I really felt bad about the fact that just because she disagreed, she shouted at me. tsk,,tsk.. Sucks. So yeah, I really left her.

Of course I felt bad about leaving my twin sister at home. We grew up like we have the same heartbeat. Two hearts beat us one, like the husband and wife. lol. HAHA. She is my only sister, my best friend, my partner in crime, my accountability partner, and everything. We've been through a lot. We always have each other. Ok, enough for the drama. Going back, I was like always thinking about her, and there was some point that it made me teary-eyed. Haha. Oh well. So, me and my two friends (whom me and my sis are always with) ate pizza at Jody's. Fast forward >>> April (my sizzy) and I get to fix the problem through the mobile. lol. I called up to check if she's still alive, I mean, if she's fine. She said our brother went home for the weekend (he is working with dad in the west) and that we can now go home because she cleaned up... Fast forward >>> We watched a movie and had fun.

Fast forward >>> Outreach time at 7pm at Sukuna Park. We do it like twice a month. We go there to proclaim the Word of Jesus Christ. As Christians, we should spread the Gospel. So yeah.... At first, me and April held the signs. It's the easiest thing to do but it's hard. lol. We would only experience physical burden, not the spiritual burden we can get from not being able to witness to lost souls. We are still kinda not used to talking to strangers about Him, which sucks! That's what we call the 'spiritual burden'. It feels like every lost souls that we didn't share the Gospel with was like our responsibility. It's like if that person dies now and goes to Hell, it's because of me, us Christians. Fast forward >>> So yeah, we always choose the physical burden. It was so painful to hold that sign high. It was heavy! And you have to hold it high pa. lol. Fast forward >>> Brother Secca (one of the leaders in church) came to us two and asked us two if we want to testify. Ok ok, GOSH. That is also one of the reasons why we wanna choose the physical burden. We don't wanna speak up in front of people. We're But at that time, I felt like, 'this is it'. You can't 'escape the daily grind' anymore, Fei. (Ohh, Escape the Daily Grind...that's Gloria Jeans' slogan! My second favorite coffee shop, next to Strabucks. Because no Sbux in Fiji. tsk. LOL) It's like God was haunting me to testify. lol. I could say no anymore, I never testified so it's like the time to do so.

So to cut the story short, yes, I testified. And I testified for, I think 2 to 3 minutes. WAAHH. I was practicing a longer one. A longer, and juicier one. lol. I was gonna try to really tell more. But I ended up tongue-tied and it got all sucked up. I so wanted to tell how God moved in our lives. But I ended up telling very little, which I hope I didn't say something stupid. And to add up, aside from not telling much, I kinda paused for a couple of times to stop the tears from falling off. Shocks, I can't believe my tear burst out. There was I, in front of the spotlight (which feels like I'm in front of the Lord on judgment day. HAHAHA), being the 'quiet and gentle spirit' (it's a Bible term), testifying and crying in front of many people. I don't even want to remember the things I said. It's just not the things I wanna say, because I wanna tell more. Sigh. Maybe I have really been through a lot because it made me cry out my feelings. WAAAHHH. It was embarassing! Not because I talked about Jesus in front of a lot of people (in fact, I felt light after that), but it was embarrassing because it wasn't good enough. Words left unspoken. Gee, I really think I disappointed our Heavenly Dad. I sucked. But well, I tried my best. And I promise that next time, I will tell the things I wanna share, what Jesus has done in my life, without the tears. I pray that God will make me brave and help me next time. Gosh, I'm such a cry baby when I share things like that, when I share things about what happened to my family. Ugh. Yuppz, we almost had a broken family and I had a traumatic childhood. Imagine your parents fighting in front on one innocent cute girl. HAHAHA. Yes, cute girl! *what* (I'm gonna write my testimony soon here on my blog. I just feel that it's a necessity on Christian blogs..lmao)

So yeah, it has been a looooong day. And I didn't have the time to sleep. I was up since Friday afternoon. looool. That's why I slept early last night, I was knocked out at 11pm.

Till next time,


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