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Thursday, June 5, 2008

The Land of My Suffering

Okay, does it sound so mean? lol. Just read on. =p

I've been here in Fiji for more than a year now. But until now, I still feel like a stranger in a foreign land. I guess, nothing really beats home. I just so miss life in the Philippines, man. tsktsk.

So many times I've heard my friends telling me to just consider this place a 'wilderness' where God will help me to grow and be fruitful, just like the story of Joseph. That's right. I really did grow up. I'm now one year older. I was 18 years old when I got here and now I'm 19! LOL. Hahaha. Kidding aside, yes, I grew up in faith. I could say my faith and trust in Him is much stronger than ever before. I've experienced a lot, and I've learned a lot. Do I have to enumerate it? haha.

First, the family's relationship is way, way, way better than before. I know it's a bit mushy. HAHA. But well, there are really things that cannot be forgotten. Until now, when I think of them, it still hurts. I know I should let go and let God. But sometimes, I just can't. Who to blame? My childhood was just traumatic. lol. But yeah, although I'm so dying to go back to my home country, I still thank God for this chance to be with the family. I am nearing a marrying age, you know. LOL. Hahaha! Geez, I don't even have a boyfriend. lmao.

I know why my parents don't want us to go back. Not because of the Philippine's economy or whatever. It's because we are all getting older. We might not get another chance to be together. For the eighteen years of my life, we've never had this chance as a family. Ekk. HAHAHA. I mean, yeah, we had been together naman. But not like this. Like before, if we're together, it's not really REAL. Ahh, whatever. Basta! Haha!

Second, I fell in love with God even more! Hehe. I am faithful than ever before. Although I don't have much friends in church, it didn't make us backslide. lol. It's all about Him anyway. My sister and I are in the ministry. There's great joy in serving God. But it just suck lately coz sometimes we miss outreaches coz of school stuffs. tsktsk. But I know God understands. So yeah, if not for Fiji, I wouldn't be closer to Him. I just need to stay focused. Coz there are times that I think I'll be more effective serving Him if I would be in the Philippines. There are just so many ways to serve Him way back home. There's Jzone, there's Project S.C.H.O.O.L., etc... It's sometimes hard to deal with people where you can experience a culture clash. So there, I NEED to fully accept than I am in the RIGHT PLACE at the RIGHT TIME. Sometimes, when there are conflicts, I wanted to give up. I wanted to think I'm not supposed to be here. It sucks.

So yeah. I've patched things up with God when I got here. And I don't wanna slip away again. It's a real blessing!

Third, I love my friends here. I don't care if I can count to my fingers how many friends I have here. I don't need a lot of stones, I just need precious diamonds. Sweeeet. lol. haha. Well if you guys have been reading all my blogs, you probably know that I have really few friends here. tsktsk. HAHA. That's the one thing I hate. I really feel like a STRANGER in FOREIGN LAND. Some where really friendly when we were new. Now, I don't know. They're gone. lol. I know I'm not unfriendly, I have lots of friends in the Phils. lol. Oh well. God is burdening our hearts. I have to admit, I miss them. haha.

Anyways, yeah. I love my friends here. I will miss them big time! Specially the friend (Yes, FRIEND as in singular.. lol) who is always there. The friend whom we always hang out with. haha.

Lastly, I've grown up. Although am still childish at times. HAHA. I've learned a lot now. Poor me, I have to be a cast away first before realizing everything. What a pity it is that I have to experienced all these pains and sufferings before learning these things I've already encountered in the past. But hey, that's why they are called EXPERIENCES, right? The best teacher (aside from God) is EXPERIENCE. haha. I know there are still things that I need to let go. I'm fully aware of that. I still struggle in some things. I just need more time, I guess.

There you go. haha. This place is the land of my suffering, but this is also a LAND of BLESSINGS! It might be too early to quote this, but I think this is also a right time:

"God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering."
-Genesis 41:52

Even if I still have almost 2 years to stay (unless we'd go home soon) and there will be more things to come along, I can say God has made me fruitful now. And I know He will make me more fruitful in the near future. I pray that He would always use me to His Greatness. Just keep on praying for me, guys! Hehe. Although I stand firm, I'm still prone to sin. lol.

We all have a purpose in life. And our main purpose here on Earth is to serve our Heavenly Dad. I hope you guys also know that. =]

Till next time


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